Learning to Have Faith… the Hard Way.

Well I Have already had my first trial of faith as a missionary and I Still have a week before leaving to the MTC. Now, Im going to Brazil… and Ive heard many horror stories of Visas not coming in or Visas taking a year. I was fully aware that I would probably have to wait for my visa. I always told myself, and was praying so hard that whatever happened I could have faith and have a good attitude and work hard. BUT thats a lot easier said than done. Its so easy to tell people to have a good attitude when we aren’t the ones in the situation. I did it to myself! I kept telling people, oh whatever happens is meant to happen and is supposed to be. SO much easier said than done. I found out yesterday that a girl I know that got her call the same month as me, and was reporting to the Brazil MTC the same day as me had received her visa last week. She also informed me you can look up your visa status! BIG MISTAKE. I looked it up and was sadly informed that my visa has not even started processing. I have never been so angry, so sad, and so upset before about something. How on earth was it fair that she got hers completely and mine has not even started to process?! Some visas take over a year to process! and I turned my visa information in 5 months ago and the process hasn’t even started?! I cant even begin to tell you how sad I was. I was angry. The horrible selfish thoughts started running through my head; “Am I ever going to get to Brazil?” “I knew I had the possibility of serving state side, but not this long” “I don’t want to go anywhere but where I was called” “I don’t want to go to Provo MTC, that was not part of the plan” “Is learning portuguese going to be a waste of my time?!” HOW SELFISH ARE THESE THOUGHTS. In the middle of having a complete break down I heard a small voice in my head, and it was something I shared in my farewell talk just this past sunday; “Forget yourself and go to work.” its a hard thing to swallow that I may not be going to Brazil for a long time. Its almost impossible for me to picture myself anywhere else other than with the people of Brazil. I have had dreams about Brazil almost every night since I got my call, I am constantly asking stories from returned missionaries of the people there in Brazil. I already LOVE Brazil and their people. I mean, thats where I was called, thats MY mission. But the thing is, this isn’t MY mission. This is the lords mission through my hands. I need to “forget myself and get to work.” it doesn’t matter where I’m serving. Because no matter where I am serving I will be serving our heavenly fathers children, and thats all that matters. Yes, this is going to be hard for me, I am going to struggle with it, its not an easy thing to deal with. as my favorite scripture says. ” And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for a not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith” – Ether 12:6. I may not fully understand why this is happening to me right now. But this is a trial of my faith. And heavenly father needs me to learn something right now. I need to have faith in him and his plan, because he has a unique plan for everyone of us. Is it fair that someone got their visa and I didn’t? well worldy speaking no, not at all. But in the eyes of our heavenly father, yes. Because thats her plan, and mine and her plans are not the same. Whether I get my visa in a week, 3 months, or a year I will work my hardest no matter where I am, because this work isn’t about the where, Its the who. and its in no way about me.I have something to learn from this. I may not understand this now, but I know I will in the future. And no matter where Im at, Ill be on a mission, serving his children, with all my heart, mind and strength. So instead of BRAZIL I’m coming for ya. my new motto is: MISSION I’m coming for ya! It doesn’t matter where, It matters who 🙂

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